Wisdom Jewels

Marital Jewels

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Pearls of Wisdom


Wise Words by Great Intellects


Questions such as why human beings were created, and why certain events occur as opposed to others, and why someone had to die and not another, can not be answered by the human mind in and of itself. A simple reason is the fact that human beings are not even able to uncover the mysteries of their own brain! The human mind is only able to identify existing rules, which Allah has put in nature, and use them to come up with new connections. That is why Allah,

  the One and Only Perfect Creator of the universe, has sent messengers, Prophets (peace be upon them all) since the beginning of time, from among the best of human beings, to guide human beings

Wisdom Jewels...


This section Wisdom Jewels is meant to share insights that we think can help people live in todays complicated lifestyle that is full of temptations and seditions. The start is ours to initiate the traffic over the section. Yet, in the future, we expect everyone visiting this site to contribute to this section by sharing their stories, experiences, and feelings. It is important for all of us to be sure we are not alone in this life. Our loving Creator is there for us. Our humble effort of conveying this is a form of support that we hope is effective. May Allah accept this effort from us and help us make it sincerely only for his own sake.

Marital Advice

•  Always make dua'a for yourselves everyday at any point in time. Remember the ayah in surat ( Al Forqan: 74 ) " " you might like to include it as part of your dua'a after each prayer. It is very important especially during your engagement period to constantly pray for each other all the time.

•  I know that this may sound weird, but even when we decide to get married we should have sincere intentions and we should always remember to renew it from time to time, if not every day. Unfortunately, we tend to sometimes get carried out by life and forget why we are getting married?! Always ask yourself why am I doing this? And this, by the way, applies even after marriage.

•  No two humans are alike! Yes, we may have a lot of similarities but there will still be some differences between you. Don't be afraid and scared. What you need to do is to decide from the beginning how will you both deal with your differences, be it opinions, tastes, decisions, view.etc. establish a way that you both agree upon to deal with them.

•  Respect each other! This is very important, because the way you will treat each other now, is the way you will treat each other later on in your life and in front of your children; and in turn it will be the way your children will treat you and others.

•  The way you communicate during your engagement period is very important. Don't rely on talking over the phone and communicating over the internet (if one of you is traveling). Simply because such communication tools, won't give you a clear picture as to how your fiancé or fiancée reacts to what you are saying; they are very misleading. Face-to-face communication is better and tells a lot about the person you are engaged to.

•  Be yourself, be natural. Do not pretend! Do not be ashamed of any weakness you may have. Work on them, ask your partner to help you out and don't give up. Help each other in improving yourselves in any aspect you feel you are quite weak at and want to improve. Support each other. Never, never, never make fun of such others weaknesses in a serious way that you know may hurt your partner's feelings. You should know when to laugh about them in a friendly way and when not to.

•  You are engaged, Congratulations! Engagement period is not about finding out the differences but rather it is about finding common grounds, exploring common circles of interests and understanding each other better. It is not about, he likes green I like red we cannot match! It is rather he likes green I like red but we both like blueblue is OUR favorite color. This is a very brief example, but I hope it delivered the message. Search for common areas and focus on developing them and finding more.

•  Be honest and straight forward. If you do not like something say it. But, of course, the way you say it is important. Do not say something you might regret later. Choose your words carefully and do not hurt your partner.

•  We always hear the common phrase "marriage is all about giving up" or " ". In a way it is but it's not about giving up everything. Marriage is like a merger between two companies; to unite, both sides will need to give up some stuff. Again this is closely related to finding common grounds. Be flexible, be open and always try to look at the bright side of things and don't be stubborn.

•  Establish a way in which you will deal with any disagreements, la Qadr Allah, if they occur between you. Never let a day pass without solving your disagreements, make this a rule! And most importantly, learn to solve your problems between yourselves . Do not, do not, do not involve third and fourth parties! Avoid involving your parents, because simply your parents, by fitra , will stand with you. Consult them if you must, but do not directly involve them.

•  Avoid talking and sharing your problems with friends and consulting the wrong people. Do not make people feel that there is something between both of you in the first place. Your personal life should not be shared with the public.

•  Share your daily schedule together even when you are engaged. Make it a habit that you know what your partner will be doing tomorrow. If plans change, notify each other. Ask about each other. Busy is not a good excuse! Alhamdulillah , we have different means of technologies now, use them!

•  Respect each other's family rituals, routines and differences. Mingle with your partner's family, be sociable and try to support each other's family in difficult times and in birr al waledin . Understand that there will be times, when his /her family is in deep need for your presence. Later on, make it a point to ask about them every day, and visit them regularly, at least once a week.

•  Consult each other when taking decisions. Be open and don't be stubborn. If by any chance the decision your partner chose wasn't the most appropriate one in your point of view and resulted in negatives, do not, do not, do not put the blame on him/her or each otheretc. stick together in the good and the bad times no matter what.

•  No one has the right to know the details of the details of your personal life. People will definitely ask and try to enter your life but you should have your limits. This does not mean that you push them out in a rude way but rather answer them and avoid giving too many details. They will hopefully understand and won't keep asking a lot. However, there are always exceptions, and depending on the person you will know what to do hopefully.

•  This is mainly for the groom and especially during engagement period, when she is still not your wife. Please understand that she is still under her father's guardianship, not fully yours. Which means that, any decision concerning your lives, for example you both decided to have the wedding earlier, it should be you who goes and speaks to the father, of course after you have both agreed. This is just an example and this is only in the engagement period, later on it's both of you together.